DV Shop Questions Hall of Fame

(People Have Really Asked Us This Stuff. Honest. )

During the COVID-19 Pandemic someone came knocking at our door:
"I want to invent a new camera. Can you be a go-between for me with Sony or Canon?"

Do you sell life jackets? Isn't this the Dive Shop?

"Would you mind watching my kids while I go to get groceries?"

"Do you sell disco lights?"

"Do you sell prescription snorkel masks?"

"I think I'm being followed. Can you sell me a spy camera to wear?"

"I crashed my hard drive but I don't want you to see what's on it.
Can you you fix it without looking at it?"

"Can you give me some money to buy a piece of chicken?"

"Do you have any gun scopes or knives?"
(Zombie Apocalypse anyone?)

"Do your lighting gels also work as seat cushion material? Like a gel seat cushion?"

"Hi I'm From "Acme Real Estate" and we're listing a house for $719,000 in your area.
Do you know someone who might be interested?"

"May I speak to the person in charge of your transportation fleet?"

"I broke up with my boyfriend, can you Photoshop him out of all of my pictures?"

"My kid dropped my keyboard in the toilet, can you fix it?"

"Do you sell hidden cameras because there's something funny going on in my house."

"What's the difference between a square mic flag and a triangle mic flag?"

"I want to buy a 5D but I don't have a computer.
Can that camera put the video on YouTube for me?"

"I want to put some coloured gels on work lights from Rona.
What's your return policy if they melt or catch on fire?"

"I'd like to make internet porn. What's the best camera to use?"

"I have a used tripod I want to sell you.
It's missing the release plate but it's expensive.
Better than most of the crap you sell in here.
I don't know what kind it is. Just think Canon not Mitsubishi."

"Do you have the phone number for the organization that does bar codes?"

"Can I please speak to your voice mail?"

"Do you sell cooking knives? I just saw your number on the TV."

"Is Steve in? Look, I talked to him before so I know he's there!"

"Can you modify my camera so it can take the really long lenses?"

"Someone left a threatening message on my answering machine.
Can you make a copy of it for me?"

"I owned the Internet for 3 days in 1967 until the US military took it away from me.
Can I get a discount on a computer?"

"Can you order me Panasonic Vacuum bags?"

"Do you have the lens that makes people look less ugly in close-ups?"

"Do you rent gaffer's tape because I just need about a foot not a whole roll."

"Do you sell expired film?"

"Would you like to buy some cash register rolls? I also sell Aloe Vera drinks."

"Would you like to buy some meat?"

"Do you sell telescopes?"

"Do you fix Singer sewing machines?"

"Can I use your long distance?
I need to ask my uncle if he'll lend me money to buy something here."

"Hi, I'm (a telemarketer) and I'd like to offer you the use of our private jet!
Would you have time for a survey?"

"Do you have turntables?"

"Can you match this price at another store?"
(The price was higher than ours.)

"I'm drunk and I might throw up. Do you have a washroom I can use?"

"What's the name of the lens that's 14 megapixels?"

"Do you do hydro testing for air tanks? Isn't this the Dive Shop?"

"How can I turn my computer into a surveillance camera?"

"Can you do me a favour? I need someone to type my resume."

"Can you make an enlargement without looking at the picture when you make it?"

"Can you fix a laptop that has beer inside it?"

"Do you sell the doors that swish on a microwave?"

"I like your chairs. Can I have one?"

"Do you buy used DVDs? Isn't this the DVD Shop?"

"Do you sell pilates machines?"
(Our camera cranes get mistaken for telescopes, fitness equipment, etc.)

"Can you do data recovery on my hard drive without looking at what's on it?
I don't want anyone to see what's on it."

"Can you take plastic security tags off clothing?"

"I'm a historic re-enactor and I want to film my POV.
Do you have a camera I can hide in a musket?"

"Steadycams are too expensive. I want to build my own, can you show me how?"

"Do you sell chainsaws? Canadian Tire is too expensive."

"Do you cut keys? Why not?"

"How can I record someone without them knowing?"

"Do you sell the things that go bang when you say action on a movie?"

"I'm looking for a very specific camera. Do you know the one, it's black?"

"Do you sell the signs for surveillance cameras?"

"Do you sell jogging watches?"

"Do you want to trade some cigarettes for ammunition for a 38 revolver?"

"Do you know anything about cassette players in cars?"

"Can I ride my bike inside your store? I just want to do it one time."

"Do you have the quiet solution?
If you don't know what it is I don't have time to explain it to you."

"I want to make a glamour shot of my wife, can I borrow a camera?"

"Can you help me put a camera inside my car so no one knows it's there?"

"Would you like to buy some Bounce Sheets for $2?"

"Do you have the three legged tripods with just one leg?"

What's better? PCIe or Express34?"

"Does your staff have perfect grammar?
I do not do business with anyone who does not have perfect grammar."

Pointing to our cash register: "Is that typewriter for sale?"

"May I please speak to the owner of the business
or the person in charge of purchasing Telex machines?"

"I know the bank moved but are Canada Savings Bonds still available?"

"Why won't you sell me the wingnut off this tripod?
Do you want me to give you a bad Google review?"

"Can I borrow your equipment to do my own portrait photo?"

Canada Post called to do a survey during a postal strike:
"How would you rate our labour relations on a scale of 1 to 10?"

"Can you tell me which lens I need to see the emotion on a bird's face?"

"Do your tripods work for guns?"

"Do you sell 38mm film?"

"Do you sell Pall Malls? Evangeline said you sell Pall Malls."

"I just bought a used Leica on eBay, can you tell me if I got a good deal?"

Re GoPro: "Is this the dopest camera you sell?"
Sean's Reply: "No, we sell doper."

"Do you sell the stand up motorcycle? I thought a fancy store like this would have one."
(We're pretty sure that gentleman was looking for a Segway.)

"Do you sell socks? I'm pretty sure I got socks in here before."

"Can I use a table dolly for a skateboard? How much weight can it take?"

"Can you give me change for a hundred in twenties and fives?
Why not?! You took my bank away, you should at least give me change."

"Have you ever locked anyone in the vault?"

"Did the bank leave any money in the vault when they moved?"

"Is your cash register wireless or AC?"

"Good day, would you like to stop suffering?"
(Stop Suffering was a store front church in our mall and they used to vist us a lot.)

"Do you have the soap that can wash off black magic spells?"
(We Googled it and this soap does exist. Pretty sure the Stop Suffering people sold it.)